Goodbye, Dear Friend

I really don't know how to write this as I sit here crying, very upset, alone. I need to vent, make some sense of this, get it out of me, and say goodbye. Please bear with me, things will most definately get weird, But I don't know what else to do.

I was awaken from an afternoon nap yesterday to the sound of a very animated voice. Eventually I rolled out of the bed and asked Cat what was up in a very casual way. She looked at me and uttered, "Mark is dead". What? What are you talking about? How can Mark be dead? From what I know at this moment, he rear ended a car on his motorcycle and died at the scene.

Mark is Cat's sister's long term boyfriend, they had been together for about 7 years, living together for much of it. Mark was Sara's first serious boyfriend, with discussions of marriage every now and then. Sara woke up from a nap yesterday expecting to find Mark at home, when he wasn't, she went out to see if he was still at work. On the way, she came across the accident scene and saw someone laying under a sheet and then saw his bike. I cannot fathom the pain she feels right now, I hope I never do.

Mark helped Cat and I move on several occasions, which was the begging of our friendship. After we had moved to Asheville, Mark and Sara started coming to visit regularly and I started to teach him how to fish. I've spent a weeks vacation with him on separate occasions, so despite being 200 miles away, we were fairly close to each other. One of the few people I could call a true friend in the world. I am devastated right now.

The actual news didn't hit me that hard last night. Now that Cat's away with her sister and I have had some time to digest it, I'm still having a hard time grasping this. Mark was 26, in the prime of his life. He was one of the few people I've met that could keep up with me in the water. And now he's gone, forever. I'll never see him smile when he catches a nice fish, rib me while beating the hell out of me at a random video game, or hang out by a fire and talk about absolutely nothing. Nobody to talk to about how crazy those damn Esch women are or to plan camping trips with behind their backs.

This is bringing up a lot of different emotions in me, the pure pain of losing a close friend, to the humbling knowledge that Sara just lost the person she cares about most in the world. I don't know that I could function if one day Cat just wasn't there anymore. The thought alone upsets me a great deal right now. More so the thought that I die unexpectedly and she's the one left to deal with it. Life is so fragile.

Thankfully, I have not had to deal with death a lot in recent past. This might possibly the first person close to me that I've had die unexpectedly . My emotions are in a whirlwind, ranging from wishing I could do more for Sara to thinking I need to sell my bike. Nothing makes sense, I'm very disoriented right now. For all my and Cat's readers, we need your prayers and support right now, particularly Sara. She has a very difficult road to travel and may choose to do it alone. We live in NC, her parents live in Mi, we want her to come here for a while, but it's way too soon to even bring up. She told Cat that she expects him to walk through the door any minute, what do you even begin to say to that?

I will always miss you Mark, we will always be brothers even if we really weren't. I will think of you every time I fish our section of the Pigeon and promise to do my best to take care of Sara until things are better for her. You were a great person and will be missed. I'll never forget the moves, camping, Mexico Beach, staying up way too late playing video games, all of it. You were one of the few true friends I've ever had and will remember you as you are in this photo, smilin with a thumbs up. All of this is being written with tears streaming down my face, as I'm coming to the realization that I will never see you again. I will never forget the good times we had together. I love you and will miss you dearly.